Parenting Children with High Needs: Let's get together

Roughly 1 in 5 households is caring for a child with high needs. It’s very likely that you have a family member with high needs or, if you own a business, that about 20% of the people walking through your door have high needs that require various accommodations. The unfortunate reality of today’s culture is that extended families and communities are not as involved in the daily lives of parents and caregivers to help manage the stress that comes with caring for children with high needs.

Mohamed Jemni, a professor and e-strategist working to provide more accessibility for the deaf community, once said, “The disability is not the problem. Accessibility is the problem.” When parents of children with high needs have access to support, resources, and accommodations, this expands their capacity to better respond to the various demands required for their child’s care.

There are just four things extended family and community members can do today – even right in this moment – to help parents and families of children with high needs. The first thing is to smile. Yes, smile. Smile at the parent dealing with their overstimulated child’s meltdown in Walmart. Smile at the family working together to get a wheelchair-bound child out of their van. When you smile at a child and their parent, this communicates to them that you see and accept them.

Second, be kind. Just saying hello or starting a conversation with a parent or child with high needs goes a long way in helping them feel seen and acknowledged. Kindness can also look like providing a small, practical need for a parent or family, such as offering to send pizza to their house for dinner one night to ease some of their stress.

Third, be curious.  Some family and community members often feel stuck because they don’t know what to do or how to ask questions to help meet needs. Maybe contact a family you know who has a child with high needs and ask how you can help. You could even research on the internet ways to get involved in the care of parents and families of children with high needs. Just getting curious and acting on that curiosity can lead you to some answers on how you can get involved in helping high needs families.

Fourth, be inclusive. Being inclusive means leaning in and doing something to help provide equal access to all individuals. Some businesses and community spaces provide areas for neurodivergent people who have sensory needs to go where it’s quieter and can have access to sensory supplies. If you own a restaurant, you can allow a family who has a child with high needs access to a private area or next to a wall.

There are many simple things you can do to ease the stress of parents and children, whether out in public or at home. These “small” acts are foundational and are easily done when parents have a willing support system within their families and communities.

Brittney Avaritt, MS, LAC, LAMFT, is a licensed associate counselor and licensed associate marriage and family therapist in the state of Arkansas. She can be reached at brittney.avaritt@gmail.com.