Parenting Children with High Needs: Handle with self-care

Remember that heavy stress bucket from last week? We’re about to put a valve or two at the bottom to let some water out.

We established that parental stress happens when parenting demands are greater than parents’ resources and that parents of children with high needs experience demands that go beyond typical parenting responsibilities. This makes self-care even more important and necessary to implement into parents’ daily routines. To decrease stress and increase healthier outcomes for both parents and children, parents must take care of themselves.

Let’s discuss some ways parents and caregivers can realistically engage in self-care amid their daily responsibilities. First – and this is very, very important – admit and accept that you are a human being and have limits on how much physical and mental energy and effort you can give.

Taking care of your basic needs is next on the self-care priority list. Being merely human means that your limitations include the need for water, nutritious food, and sleep daily. If you are not stopping to be sure you are drinking enough water, eating regularly, and getting enough sleep, then you will quickly run out of energy and your own health will suffer. Remember that your child’s health depends on your health, as well.

Your mental and emotional needs also require care and attention. It’s important that you identify your emotional needs and that you talk about any triggers, negative thinking, grief, uncertainty, anxiety, or depression you may be feeling amid the stress and responsibilities of caring for your child. It’s okay – even necessary at times – to seek help and support for your mental and emotional health, whether that’s from your family, your community, or a counselor.

Caring for your relationships is also a form of self-care that is often minimized or overlooked. Just as your self-care is benefiting your child with special needs, it also benefits your other relationships because when you are physically and mentally well, you will be better able to give care and energy towards your relationships. Communicating your needs and emotions with your partner, other children in the home, family members, and friends is an important way to not only get your own needs met but also to help you become aware of how the increased stress and responsibilities are affecting everyone else in the family. Setting aside one-on-one time for your partner, other children, extended family, and important friendships is also an effective way to enhance and sustain healthy relationships.

You may be saying, “Brittney, I want to take care of myself and my relationships, but it’s so hard because I don’t have the support I need to do a lot of these things. How can I do any of this without help?” I can tell you from personal experience that it is very difficult to find and maintain support as a parent of children with high needs. We’ll switch gears next time and address how we can get help by fostering family and community support.

Brittney Avaritt, MS, LAC, LAMFT, is a licensed associate counselor and licensed associate marriage and family therapist in the state of Arkansas. She can be reached at brittney.avaritt@gmail.com.