Parenting Children with High Needs: Parental stress is no joke

I once heard that experiencing too much stress is like carrying around a heavy bucket filled with water. Everyone has a bucket with water in it, but some people can walk around and carry their bucket with ease, while others drag their bucket along with water sloshing out over the top. The people with heavy, water-filled buckets have a hard time getting anywhere or doing much else in life because all their energy is going towards dragging their heavy load.

Parental responsibilities can cause a person’s bucket to become full very quickly. Parental stress is a specific type of stress that arises when a parent perceives that the various demands of their role surpass their resources to cope with them. In other words, when parenting demands are greater than parents’ resources, they experience parental stress.

This can be the case for any parent or caregiver of children, regardless of the child’s needed level of support. However, someone caring for a child with high needs experiences parenting demands that go beyond the typical demands of parenting. These demands can be frequent doctor appointments, administering daily medications, regularly filling out large amounts of paperwork and applications for services, multiple school meetings, the daily use of medical equipment, or meticulously planning outings so that children can have needed accommodations. These examples are just the tip of the iceberg because there are many added parenting responsibilities a parent or caregiver must do to take care of a child with high needs.

Over time, these elevated demands can negatively affect the mental and physical health of parents and caregivers and their relationships. Some symptoms associated with trying to manage these high demands include anxiety, disturbed sleep, fatigue, and depression. These symptoms can negatively impact the well-being of parents and caregivers, which in turn can negatively impact the health outcomes of children. As a parent of children with high needs, my own children’s health can be affected if I am not taking care of my own mental and physical health needs.

If stress impacts parents and caregivers in profound ways on an individual level, then it would make sense that parental stress would impact relationships, as well. Too much parental stress can be associated with reduced marital quality and negative family interactions. The high levels of emotional distress can cause symptoms of anxiety and depression, which can have social and emotional ramifications for the whole family. However, helping individuals and couples decrease the parental demands on them can increase overall marital and family satisfaction.

If you feel at times that you’re carrying around a bucket that’s too heavy and it seems no one is around to help you carry it, there is hope. Parental stress can be reduced, and you can find the help and support that you need to care for your loved ones. We’ll soon explore implementing self-care and family and community support, but until then, take a deep breath, drink some water, and ask for a little help. Your needs are important, too.

Brittney Avaritt, MS, LAC, LAMFT, is a licensed associate counselor and licensed associate marriage and family therapist in the state of Arkansas. She can be reached at brittney.avaritt@gmail.com.